That Brown Wall In My Office

Hello Inspirationals,

I had an epiphany today. I've been residing in my current home for roughly two and a half years now and ever since I moved in, I'd been wanting to change the color of paint existing on the walls of my office; specifically, the brown one.

When I decided to upgrade my family's dwelling place, selling my townhome, I promised myself that my next safe haven would include a fourth bedroom which I could utilize as my office space. At that time, my office and bedroom were roommates, and although they’ve had their beneficial moments, it always seemed to lack boundaries and provide clarity regarding the expression of the multi-faceted parts of my Self.

What I mean is, I am this AND I am that too……simultaneously. Huh? Right, let me explain. While my bedroom is a peaceful, cozy, relaxing sort of vibe, it also itches my Venus in Taurus scratch, exhibiting the staged farmhouse décor and pastels I drool after from my endless hours of pinning on my Pinterest boards. Despite the soon-to-be nonexistent mocha walls in my current bedroom (I WILL be getting rid of that!), I like my bedroom neat and tidy with clean beige walls. Bright, with white chic comforters and artificial floral arrangements from Hobby Lobby that never die. You see, my bedroom vibe soothes me by displaying order, beauty and perfection in the world. Dead flowers or plants? Not here. Everything is good here. In my bedroom, everything is okay, everything has its place. It smells like fresh linen with a hint of shea butter all wrapped up in a warm, cozy and heavenly moment of tranquility. Are you there? *Deep Breath* Me too. Yeah, I love my bedroom.

My Current Bedroom

*Sigh* Yet still, when I leave my room, I am also aware that I leave that particular moment of bliss behind….and I am okay with that. I have learned over many years how to create that same space, or at least the feeling and experience of it, within myself. Creating that sort of space within isn’t always easy, especially on the days I simply don’t have the will, energy or fucks to give in order to do it. And it's on those days that I am thankful to my future Self for having known that ahead of time and so She’d already set up my bedroom, just the way I like, to create something outside of me and seen, which in turn would invoke something inside of me, unseen. You feel me? So yeah, as cliché and spiritually bypassing as my bedroom may appear, it most definitely serves a very important purpose. With Capricorn and Saturn residing on my fourth house, I cannot shake the need for clean, straight lines or perfectionistic, productive and structured spaces; and being Venus-ruled (Libra Ascendant), it must also be pretty. LOL. Saturn teaches lessons and I have learned to be okay with this part of my Self. And instead of shaming the energy, I integrate it, and honor it by giving it a space to express itself in.

Now my office, on the other hand, is a bit more flexible. A tad bit eccentric and edgy sprinkled with some hippie love and light vibes. LOL. This too is an expression of me. My office is my creative space, my healing space. It goes down in there, okay! I can get raw and messy in there. I can be bold, authentic and spontaneous in there. In there, none of my furniture matches and there isn’t any certain “look” I was going for. There was no plan in decorating my office the way there was for my bedroom. My office consists of hand-me-downs, outdated electronics and things I’ve collected over the years. In my office lives a side of Me that many never see. All of the parts of me that were rejected or shamed by society, family and friends live comfortably, safe in my office. My love of astrology, energy healing, Eastern philosophy, crystals and psychology grew freely here, away from judgement and criticism. Transformation takes place here. I have done so much inner child and shadow work in here that has changed my life monumentally! The things I birth, tangible and intangible, from my office are the things which sustain me whenever I leave this sacred space. Did you know that the word office comes from the Latin officium, which means ‘a service’ and ‘responsibility’? My office serves me and enhances my ability to respond (response-ability) to the world around me. I used to want this space to be just as fantasy perfect as my bedroom but over the past two years, I have truly grown to love it just as it is. I used to want to update the furniture so that everything matched. You know, like a “better” desk (as if the one I have isn't doing its job), get matching organizers, buy a “proper” filing system, new carpet, etc. The works. And most importantly, I wanted to get rid of that one brown wall soaking up all the attention in the room……

My Current Office Setup

Two years later though, not anymore. I’m glad I never got around to painting that tootsie roll-colored wall. LOL. What was once what I considered an eye-sore now grounds me during turbulent moments, reminds me of my connection to the Earth and prompts me to be bold and stand out, because although some may hate you, we live in duality, so some will most certainly love you.

Now that I dwell in a home where my bedroom and office spaces are separate, I can clearly define them both for what they are and although they express themselves differently, they can coexist under One roof. Just as the many parts of ourselves can coexist together inside of the One Self and those Selves coexist inside of the One which created us. So, it is through distinction of individuality that it can be understood how we can also merge collectively in unity, each playing the roles they were designed and created to play. My bedroom isn't trying to be my office and vice versa. They both shine bright serving their own purposes, simultaneously and in harmony. Whew! That was deep, so you might need to reread that part again, lol just sayin'.

Perspective and time are your allies and secret ingredients to changing your experiences. Where are the brown walls in your life? Is it possible that, with a fresh look and patience, you can turn this seemingly ugly duckling into a breathtaking swan? *Deep Breath* I don’t know about you, but for me, at least just for today, I am most grateful and authentically loving, that brown wall in my office…….

Thank you Spirit for this moment of inspiration today,

Jerica Brechae